Lately I've been thinking a lot about the future. I try not too, no point in worrying about something you have absolutely no control over; but when I look at my kids, I can't help but start to think about how fast time is flying and about what they will grow into as adults.
The past year was an amazing one for me. It started off pretty scary, and had me so unsure of our future. I found out I was pregnant in December 2009, and was terrified. It wasn't planned. I spent the next five months trying to come to terms with it, well, in and out of denial as well. So many of my close family and friends kept telling me what an amazing blessing this baby was going to be, and I remember thinking, "ya, right"...then July 10 arrived and I held my special little man, and I cried. The blessings filled me that instant. I didn't think it possible to love each of your kids in their own special way as much as I do. They are certainly my everything, and I honestly cannot imagine my life without them. They are so individually unique and bring joy to me in their very own special ways... separately. It's truly amazing.
As a result of baby Dean, changes happened. One being the loss of my car and the introduction to the "mini van"...I still shudder. But, I have to admit, it's a handy thing. I still hate it. BUT, it is easy to pull the kids in and out of...but I still hate it. I've also become a bit more relaxed in life. You can't help it. With three kids, you need it to survive!! Life happens, deal with it. So, I do. I'm sure God has lots to do with that too...I can't imagine my life without my faith either!! It's so much easier to believe in God, then not too I think. I can send my worries up to Him in prayer, and forget it. It's awesome to do that. God will work it out, I might not like the way He chooses, but, in the end I know it will be for the best...He hasn't failed me yet...and I've spent many times in my life where I was pretty sure He was going too!
Our year adjusting to Abi's ADHD diagnoses has been pretty good. We've had ups and downs and lots of turn-abouts, but she has an amazing doctor and incredible school! She is now beyond her grade level in reading, which is a HUGE success for her, and she LOVES to read. The girl has more books than any kid I've ever met. To her, a great day is spent in Chapters! Although, Claires is starting to become a favorite of hers (Lord help me!). She is still struggling with eating. I can't believe I have a child whom I have to BRIBE TO EAT!!! How is she mine??? Well, when she prefers to have a piece of chocolate at 5am, then a piece of toast, I know she's mine :) She is still around the 45 lbs pound mark...and currently not on the growth chart. Her doctor keeps an amazing eye on her though, so we aren't worried. She is healthy.
Abi is an AMAZING big sister. Every single day she makes me so proud. She takes such good care of her siblings...and never complains! Okay, sometimes she complains, but only when Emma is trashing one of her toys, so it's usually a valid complaint. She loves her brother and is such a huge help to me. Just this morning, she crawled into his crib at 5:30 in the morning to feed him a bottle so I could sleep! What 8 year old does that?! I know I sure wouldn't have. She is so special, in so many ways.
Emma is a devil. Cute. Funny. BUT BAD!! Oh man! I used to think that Abi hit the terrible two's and never left them...then Emma hit the terrible two's...and I now know Abi did leave them...so, there is hope for Emma :) I joke that she will be the one who will come home one day by police escort! She is super funny though, so it's hard sometimes to get after her. She has such a devilish look and laugh to her. She's not afraid of anything. She is going to test us as parents, this I know. I don't mean any of this in a bad way either. Even though she is bad, she is so full of love, and I can see it. Her heart is huge, and she loves to love. She looks SO MUCH like her cousin Kayleen, and her personality fits Kayleen's too. Kayleen is pretty awesome, and I hope Emma does turn out like her...especially the amazing sense of humor! We are currently potty training her. It's going pretty good. I forgot how much I dislike potty training...but it's gonna be life for the next few years, so I might as well just let it flow :) Our carpets are crap anyway!
Dean is adorable. He's a baby. He's my boy. I have a BOY!! He is so different from the girls (other than the obvious) and yet, he reminds me so much of Abi as a baby. I thought I didn't remember Abi as a baby, then Dean arrived. I can remember experiencing Emma as a baby, and not remembering a thing about Abi. I felt horrible that I couldn't remember a lot of my time with her. So, Dean is a blessing in bringing back my memories of my time spent with his oldest sister as a baby! He's not as dramatic (thank goodness), but he complains like she would - in a cute, adorable baby way. It's not so cute when they are 8. We are starting him on foods now, and it's an interesting dynamic. Abi liked food when she was baby, just didn't eat much of it. Emma LOVED (and still does) her food, and ate lots of it. Both girls started rice cereal early. Dean, hates rice cereal - spits it out and shudders. He's picky. He likes the sweet potatoes, and peas...hates pears, not a fan of turkey, and custard grosses him out. He'll eat yogurt - the fattier the better - but doesn't like eating it with a spoon. See, picky.
Billy and I have had a good year together as a couple. I got to fall in love with Billy all over again when Dean was born. Not saying I ever fell OUT of love with him, but seeing him take care of me and the kids, and seeing him with a newborn again, something changed. I don't know what. But my heart grew even bigger for him. He's an amazing father and husband.
Okay, resolution time. How'd I do with my 2010 ones? Well, here we go:
#1 - Deepen my relationship with God. Set aside time each day for prayer and devotional. I pray everyday, all the time, but I don't have a designated time to just be alone with God...I could really use that.
I started a "read the bible in a year chronologically" program in May and have kept up with it. Because of this, I am growing spiritually, but it sure is making me question a lot of things. I've also joined two small groups and I love both of them very, very much. Each night, in bed - as it's the only time I really have that allows me total peace and quiet, is when I read my bible and pray. It's been a blessing to do this.
#2 - Lose the remaining 26 pounds.
HA HA HA...well, I lost it thanks to morning sickness, then put it back it on, then lost some of it...I currently have 5 pounds to lose to get me back to my pre-Emma body.
#3 - Be more patient (or, well, patient period) with my children.
Having number 3 has certainly helped in this area. I can always work on this, but I think I've improved some.
#4 - Be more trusting of God.
I wrote this knowing I was pregnant. I didn't trust Him. Thought He was crazy and hated me to be honest. BUT, as time went on, I learned to lean on him. As a result, I am more trusting - and I know this is a life long thing. Each path in life will bring new challenges and new ways to learn to trust. But in the context of why I wrote this one down, I'd say I succeeded.
#5 - Learn the meaning of SAVE $$.
I had a great year for saving!! We saved enough money to replace our fence! I am now working on saving money for a new deck...hoping to have enough saved by the Summer of 2012.
#6 - Laugh once a day.
This one has been pretty easy. Moose makes me laugh every day. My kids make my heart smile and laugh all the time.
So, what about 2011...well, I think pretty much the same as 2010.
- continue building my relationship and trust with God.
- build my marriage into a relationship with God.
- work on being more healthy - continue my Hot Yoga, maintain my weight (or lose some), become a better example to my kids - choose smart, instead of chocolate for breakfast :)
- work on my patience...especially with Abi.
- continue saving $ for that dream deck.
- laugh often, love more.
There we go. Resolutions made. To all of my family and friends, and well, to everyone really, have an amazing 2011 - no matter what. Make the best of what God has given you. May you find contentment. May you be filled with Love, Laughter, Joy and Peace...and of course amazing memories to last a lifetime.
"It's better to enjoy what we have than to always want something else, because that makes no more sense than chasing the wind. Everything that happens was decided long ago. We humans know what we are like, and we can't argue with God, because he is too strong for us." Ecclesiastes 6:9-10