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Five years ago tonight, I was exhausted, overwhelmed, excited and scared out of my wits! Nothing has changed much I guess!!
It seems like yesterday...staring at her squished up nose and pitch black hair and tiny hands and feet, thinking how today would take forever to come! NOW, here I am missing that night in the hospital with my baby!!! Missing the quite of the night...missing those special first few moments of staring at one another, being content, filled with love and so many questions, yet totally at peace...missing that time of just her and I and not a single other sole in the entire universe. That night was very special, one I obviously (and for obvious reasons) will never forget, and one that will hold such a big chunk of my heart.
She has grown up so much and way too fast. I know she is "only" five...but five years really flew right by me! It terrifies me to think how fast the time really does go by, and how before I know it these years with her will be gone...forever.
As much as it frustrates the heck out of me that she won't go to sleep and comes crying to me to sleep with her...I think about how in 10 years from now she won't want me anywhere near her and I will be the one crying at night wanting her to snuggle with me!!
How come no one ever tells you how hard it is to watch your kids grow up? How hard it is to let them grow up? When you talk about "starting a family", no one says how much your heart will ache!!! It's all worth it, I know this. Trust me, I wouldn't change a single thing about my life (okay, maybe I would add a couple hundred thousand dollars every year or two). Having Abi was the best thing to have ever happened to me. She really, truly is, my sunshine in my every single day. Not a day goes by where she doesn't make me laugh at least once...there has never been anyone or anything who could do that for me. Not a day goes by where my heart doesn't feel like it's going to burst with so much joy...all because of my angel. I thank God for her every day...even on the days where she is really pushing my buttons...because life without her is unfathomable and no amount of pushing me to edge could make me want any other life than what I have with her RIGHT NOW!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY SWEATPEA!! I love you as big as the world, up to the sky, ALLLLLL the way to the moon, around the moon and stars, down to the North Pole, and around Santa's fat belly...and then some...that is how much I love you.

Mommy, always and forever.
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