Lessons Learned

When I was a kid and teenager, i thought the following about parents:

1. My parents were hard on me
2. My parents were old-fashioned
3. My parents were stupid
4. My parents think they know everything and actually don't
5. I won't be like my parents.


Then I grew up. As an adult, i thought the following about parents:


1. My parents are alright...and they are a great grocery store.
2. My parents are old-fashioned
3. My parents are pretty smart
4. My parents might actually know a thing or two about this thing called life...but not everything.
5. I won't be like my parents.


Since becoming a parent, I have learned LOTS. For example:

1. My parents were awesome...and still a great grocery store!
2. My parents were brave...not old-fashioned
3. My parents may have been a bit stupid - only because of the crap they let me get away with...if abi or emma even comes close to trying to pull off some of that crap their ass will be grass!
4. My parents know EVERYTHING.
5. I would give ANYTHING to be like my parents.


Being a parent is hard work. It takes a LOT of patience...something I don't have; a calmness about you...something I don't have; knowledge and wisdom...something I like to say I have, but actually don't; and most importantly, A LOT of love...which thankfully I do have.

It's been a tough couple of weeks with abi, and I'm starting to weaken. I mean, this girl is EXACTLY like me!! How on earth did my parents put up with me? She talks back ALL THE TIME and doesn't listen to a word I say...of course I ALWAYS listened...well, to my mom anyway.





It's really getting annoying, and at the end of the day I feel like a complete failure as a parent...as a mom. I remember always thinking so much of my mom, and if I ever hurt her (which I did twice...maybe three times...or four), I hurt more. Now, here I am a mom myself, with a child that seems to hate me. I know she doesn't, but it seems like she couldn't be more disrespectful...and all I seem to do is yell at her! I don't blame her for not liking me...I don't like me!


Each night I say, tomorrow will be different, tomorrow I won't yell...and then I tell her 20 times to hurry up and brush her teeth already, then ask her another 40 times to "just get dressed", then I remind her that her bus will be here in "15 mins...10 mins...FIVE MINUTES..." then OUT THE WINDOW goes my promise to not yell. Then she leaves for school, and I slump in my chair crying..."what a waste of perfectly good morning!" WHEN WILL I LEARN? I make another promise that when she gets home it will be different.


THEN, she walks in the door.


I ask her 20 times to take off her shoes.
I ask her another 20 times to hang up her jacket, and not leave it on the floor.
I ask her to put her lunch bag in the kitchen....after about 20 minutes I grunt and take it in myself!
I ask her about her day, and I get "eh"
She complains that the snack I have for her isn't what she wants.
She complains that she wanted water, NOT milk.
She complains that I'm not letting her eat chocolate
I ask her 20 times to pick up the clothes in her bedroom...they are still on the floor!
She then complains that Emily (or Noah, or Gavin, or Tristan, or Grace) has the new .... whatever is new and exciting that day that she doesn't own...and GONE IS THE PROMISE not to yell!

I'm hoping that my parents had the same struggles, and I just don't remember them. I hope that one day, Abi will remember her mom as a loving, kind and caring woman, who did all she could for her, and raised her right...not as the "mean step-mother" as she is so inclined to call me these days.


So, today, I'm not making any promises...but I will be praying.



To those I love,
Peace.

D:)